Bad Blogger!

If any of you still read this blog, you know that I am a horrible blogger! I have totally skipped Christmas 08, New Years, and many other crazy in-between moments that the Machen family has had lately. I'll try to catch you up to date a little...

Christmas was of course wonderful, although it's hard to even remember it now that we are a few days away from Valentine's Day! After Christmas, I was a part of something that I had been dreading and looking forward to for two years. I had to travel to Memphis to testify in a trial. Many of you who read our blog know that two and a half years ago, my best friend Ashley Pittman Scott was murdered by her husband. We had been friends for 18 years when it happened. It sounds so strange to say that we were soul mate friends, but that's what we believed we were. We met in the 5th grade and were immediately friends. At that time we could finish each other's sentences. We were still doing that up until the week she died! We were the closest of friends...more like sisters.

I can't begin to explain to you the impact that her death has had on me. To lose someone you love so dearly is very hard, but the way she died was unbearable. There are so many emotions that I have had and don't have the space on this blog to explain them all. Needless to say, I was not looking forward to facing Jeff at the trial.

I hate to fly. I love going places, but HATE to fly. My friend Brandy took my ipod and loaded a ton of songs on them so I could try not to focus on the flight. There was a song that I had purchased that came on as we were flying around. I remember hearing this song for the first time when I was pregnant with the twins. For some reason, God spoke to me again through this song while traveling to the trial. It's called "Held" by Natalie Grant. It's about a baby and is super sad but the message is wonderful. I am going to share with you the part that meant so much to me-not the sad baby part.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens to us who have died to live-
It's unfair
This is what means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life-and you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was
When everything fell, we'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life-and you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was
When everything fell, we'd be held

Throughout all of this, God was there-and still is holding me. This is what it means to be held by Him. This is what it feels like to have the worst happen and still survive. No, He didn't come so that I would have a perfect life, with all perfect days. He came so that I could have LIFE-and have it to the fullest. He kept his promise! I know that He made many of my days "the fullest" when she was here. He continues to fill my days with love and life-much of which causes a lot of laughter too. I am so thankful for that. You know, it's these times in our lives-the storms, when God teaches us the most about Him and ourselves. For that, I am grateful.

Thank you for all of your prayers while I was in Memphis. Elaine and I laughed a lot just remembering Ashley. We also had some tough moments. I am so thankful, E, that you were there with me. It's an experience I'd rather forget.

Sorry about the sad post. What a way to make a come back!